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October 10 Komm Süsser TodI know, I know I've let you down
I've been a fool to myself I thought I could live for no one else But not through all the hurt and pain Its time for me to respect the ones you love mean more than anything So with sadness in my heart I feel the best thing I could do is end it all and leave forever whats done is done, it feels so bad what once was happy now is sad I'll never love again my world is ending I wish that I could turn back time
cos now the guilt is all mine cant live without the trust from the ones you love. I know we can't forget the past you cant forget love and pride because of that its killing me inside It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down, it all returns to nothing, I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down, in my heart of hearts, I know that I called never love again I've lost everything everything that matters to me, matter in this world I wish that I could turn back time
cos now all the guilt is mine cant live without the trust from those you love I know we can't forget the past you can't forget love and pride because of that, its killing me inside It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down it all returns to nothing, I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down it all returns to nothing, I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down September 25 Dry, Cold, WindDry, Cold, Wind
It's getting colder day by day(that's what i feel).
The Wind is so dry and cold that make me tremble all the times. I had alway thought that i have an oily skin but i guess i am wrong. One day at home, after a long walk back home, I washed my face and realized that there was blood on my tower. why? THE DRY WIND MAKE MY LIPS CRACK!
I believe that i had a oily hair too. but it seems very dry and waterless. The dry skin feel very itchy everyday! The Dry wind every days get my skin drought! The coldness stop me from getting out of my bed every mornings. I really love my bed nowadays, it's so warm.hahaz! September 03 After POP 2006A Week after Pop 2006,
I believe that most will have more part to do in the future.
The Leaders are set. and the band is now going back on track again.
Although I do not know the detail listing of the post, I had known most of it.
Well, the result isn't very far form what i thought at first but there some unexpectedness, too.
I'll start from the Top Fours,
Dianne - as the Band Major
hmm.. I was expecting her since very beginning. I knew that she sure can do it.
I can see from my eyes. She is definitely competence for it.
Looking back, I get to know her much on the bus 176 as we go home in the same diretion.
I think she is very nice to speck with. With her Knowledge and Mature Mind, she will do her job will.
I believe in her!!
Words to Diane:
Do not get yourself too tired. I know you're busy all the time, but take care yourself too.
Remember: He that forecasts all perils will never sail the sea.
and Don't forget what you have promised me.
Lastly All the Best to the BBSS Band Major 2006!!
Fazeelah as DRUM MAJOR
well.. she is not unexpected, being one of the few Staff Sgrgeant in Sec 2, she got the post of Durm Major was surely understandable.
As the Cadet Band i/c, she had done her job will by bringing the Cadet into the band footdrill.
After doing the Cadet Band i/c job as a practice, she should able to bring the standand of our footdrill higher to the sky.
I have faith in her!!
Words to Fazzlah:
Be Harsh and believe in what you believe but not other who see the world differently.
Lalents are that you believe in yourself and in your ability.
Lastly All the Best to the BBSS Drum Major 2006!!
Sabrina as DEPUTY DRUM MAJOR
hmm.. she was expected nor unexpexted. After having the Drum Major 2004, she is reasonable to be here.
I wasn't very close to her, as such it's not fair for me to say much here.
I wasn't too sure whether she had ever be serious. maybe.
She wasn't a bad leader in my eyes. I think she is the type of person that able to take the pressure of being a leader.
Perhaps that's one of the reasons.hahas.
anyway, I wish her good luck!
Words to Sabrina:
Smile is surely good but there is time for jokes.
Cultured and fine manners are everywhere a passport of regard.
Lastly, Best Wish for the BBSS D. Drum Major 2006!!
Wei Ling as Deputy Band Major
err... lots of things to say upon her. Wei Ling was indeed too unexpected that nearly broke my glasses.
Wei Ling is quite a reliable person, that also the reason for me choose her as my replacement while having a short break after being the Detention i/c for half a year.
We were once very good. In my eyes she was just a girl that complains and grumbles a lots.
However after some time, I realized that she have problem understanding what is right & wrong and what is Good & Bad.!!
hmm.. put one example here:
there is a famous sec2 sexophonist that was once a prefect. I believed in him as he is my very own band jumior.
As such, I put him under the most important duty, the detention on Friday.
However, I was wrong, he is surely not trustable.
I talk him nicely for a long time, before one day I broke my smile and scolded him.
After that, Wei Ling didn't talk to me After that.
That's how she broke my image of her.
Moreover, there are other insident happened. (She can't even get into the TopTen Prefects)
Yah... no matter how much i say here, i can't change nothing. (by the way, I have nothing againest her)
so all i can say is:
All Hopes on her!!
Words to Wei Ling:
If a mind is not refined, the mind is not elevated.
Morals should be in a high standard;
Conducting oneself in society should be in an upright manner;
Behaving oneself should be in a courteous way.
yah, Lastly and once again: All the Best for the BBSS Deputy Band Major 2006!!
Cheryl as Band Sergeant Major
She is always on my mind. Although that this wasn't what she really want, she is happy with it now.
I thought that she should have a better place than a B.S.M..
Hahas, she is much more than just a B.S.M.
so she nothing for me to say.
I just wish her ALL THE BEST!!
Words to Cheryl:
If you are in Dream, you will gurgle in delight, for the moon sends you happiness at my request!
Will always be with you in your heart!
Best Wish for my Band Sergeant Major 2006!!
Love you!!
Silvia as Concert Mistress
hahas.. the one who replaced ME!
She is someone i can really trust on.
One of the nicest girl i know.
The only problem with her is that she is a bit shy and indecisive but i guess she is able to get all of that through.
I Trust you!!
words to Silvia:
I hope that my greeting will warm your heart.
May happiness be with you on the journey of life.
Best Wish for my Concert Mistress 2006!!
Love You!
P.S. Do not miss your chance,Cause Opportunity comes Once in a Lifetime
Hope you know what i am talking about.
De Yong as Concert Master
He is mouch more than a CM.
The reason for not being one of the Top Fours must be that he is already a EXCO.
I just hope that he can do my job well.
and take care of my chair!
I belive in him. Words to De Yong:
well.. you should know my expectation of you
so... just keep your promise
I will be with you in your heart, too.
All the Best to the Concert Master 2006!!
P.S. Once Again: Do not miss your chance,Cause Opportunity comes Once in a Lifetime
Hope you know what i am talking about.
Young Min as Principal Flutist
errr.... I guess she can surely do a better job than me.
not really on the playing i guess but the leading of the flutists.
I'm very sorry to her for being under my shadow all along.
I have faith in her!!
Words to Young Min
well... hahas...
I do hope that my joyful songs are always with you so that your life is full of joys and happiness.
Because I love the smile on your face!!
All the best for my Principal Flutist 2006
Jian Yun as Flute Section Leader
er... At first, I didn't think of her.
But She wasn't a bad one too.
She needs lots of hard work.
Take Care!!
Words to Jian Yun
well... i have hight expectation on you.
Do work hard.
My Wish upon you!
I have countless wishes like the stars in the sky.
All the Best to the Flute Secion Leader 2006!!
Kerby as the Principal Franch Hornist
yah. I guess he didn't expected this , too.
But all thing are there for a reason.
Do Work Hard!!
Words to Kerby
Where you go, my best withes will trace your steps.
Work for your best!!
Best wish for the cutecute Principal Hornist 2006!!
Lastly, Best Wish to my fellow Band Mates
Regards
Philharmoniker
Sep 03 2006
12:20 am
P.S. Please tag after reading
and also, ask my mates to read this!! August 30 2 Days of OrientationFirst Day, 28 Aug 2006 (GMT -08:00) :
Got out of the bed in the morning at 6.30am.
Yap, It's my first day of school.
Had breakfast with a cup of Milk, a cup of Coffee and some popcorn chicken.
The coffee that i made on the day was really terrible. Through some careless, i pour too much Maple Syrupe in the cup (almost about 1/3 cup). I tried to add more coffee to make it better, but it was really too sweet for me. Moreover, I realize that I don't have any coffeemate, as such ,i used fresh milk instead.
While having my meal, I was reading my fiction -涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱 at the same time. I finished by meal at about 7.00 (slow) and keep on reading till about 7.20am before going out of the house.
With nothing much in the bad, I cycled to my school in 15 minute. After spanding 10minute looking for place to park my bike, I went to the the school with a nervous heart.
well... noone in the school. am i too early. Went into the office and say hi to the officer. I said that I was coming for the first time. After some questioning, she was not too surre what to do with me ,too. I asked her what is the usual time for schooling and she said that it's about 9.00am (It was about 8.00 at the time.)
She told me that the officer, Ms Robinson, in charge of the international student will only be in the school 10 minutes later.
As such, I sit down and started read Time that was on the table.
After 10 minutes, 15 minutes..... nothing happened.
I stand up and ask the officer for washroom and she said that it is on the second floor.
After some lost in the corridors, I found a door with a sign said "Boy's washroom".
I opened the door and realize that it's was in complete darkness...
I tried to find the switch and i found something that look like a switch. However, i tried hard to turn it on, i just can't switch it.
Back to the office, she was sorry that she forget that the switch needs a key to turn it.
With that, I ask for the key, but she didn't have it.
Then she said that i can use the the staff Washroom for this time.
That's quite interesting. Hahas.
And at about 8.35, Ms Robinson came. She is a old lady with smile on her face all the time.
I was asked to sit outside of her room for waiting..
Untill 9.00, Lots of Teacher came into the office.
A teacher, Ms Mingo, ask me what am i looking for? and I said that I was not too sure, too.
She said that if I'm in grade 11, then I should look for her. Before answering, Ms Robinson called me in (finaly).
hmmm... She told me that I need to go to Killarney School for a briefing for International Students.
"er... I'm not sure how"" Where is that place?"
In the end, the school called a taxi for me. The officer told me that the Taxi is in yellow because it's a " Yellow Cab".... (=.=|||) cold~~~
The Texi fee was really OMG!!! CAD$ 30++ for a 10min trip!! However I was so glad to know that the bill will go to the School. (so cool!)
Joined the brifing for international students.
I joined the Chinese group.
sitting at late rol of the hall.
I was really fine listening at the speaker but wasn't understand what is the translater trying to say.....
After a LLLLLLLoooonnnnnnngggggggg briefing.
It dismissed at about 3 o'clock (super long)
The problem came in here. How do I go home???!!
er.... phone home but realize that there is noon at home.
Next, I asked the briefing teacher about how can i go home.
She asked me to wait a while. Next, She came back with a really TALL white guy, Mr. Bob.
He was a school Counselor.
One of the big shots of the School board i think
He said that he was going to downtown, so he can send me home on the way.
With that, I took his Honda roadstar home.
What a fun fun fun day!!
asleep from 4.00pm to 7.00pm....
Day 2 ,29 Aug 2006 (GMT -08:00) :
Overslept untail 7.00 am...
have breakfast with well... the same as yesterday..
Too much milk today... kind of odd taste...
walk to the busstop at 7.35am
take bus no. 10 to Victoria.... get down a stop earlier...
walk to the next stop to take bus 20....
change bus a 49 street..
reached Killarney at 8.40am
Starting for test.
English was sooooo easy..
unbelievable...
Math....er... well.... didn't see her for three month..
I think had forgetten me..
Get it through slowly.
finished early and go home
by buses.
hahas!!
tomorrow need to go to Templeton for school (finally)
Philharmoniker
Vancouver
30 Aug 2006 AD
1.15 am
P.S. Sorry to my dear Band member... I'll write about the POP 2006 during weekend i think! August 26 My Band Lifewell.. POP is finally over.. After such a long time and waiting .
My job of the band was over, too. I'm no more a band member. Actually, I have no any right to make any comments here. After all, I'm no more a Principal Player nor a Concert Master.
The only thing that left is my love to this band.
That's also the only reason for me to speak about this band here.
I know it's a bit LONG, but I really hopes that you can finish it word by word!
I guess that I'll be soon forgeten by this band.
I'm just a noumal band member of a hundreds in the band history.
Think again, I didn't do much for the band.
Looking back, I was the first few sec 1 students that put my name on the paper of the band booth that said "interested to join" on the day of CCA Showcase 2004.
The flyer of the band of the CCA showcase 2004 is still keep in my file.
That's how I joined the BBSS Concert Band.
On the first band practice, the Cadet was told to try out all the instruments.
I tried on the flute and i told Cindy that I wolud like to become a Flutist.
After trying out everythings, I told Mr Goh that I want to join the Flutes.
Hence, I became a flutist.
Why flute?
Because I was a Recordist? I like woodwind?
well.. maybe, but the biggest reason why is just that, personal love.
Hard to explain I guess.
After the asigning of each everyone's section.
My section mates are Cheryl, Jian Yun and YoungMin with other four seniors, Cindy, Stephanie, Evon, Ashikin, Daaniel.
and I was told that we need to bring a flute home to get used to it.
Ladies first, after given the flutes of the girls'.
When it's my turn, there is no more Flute that is not in used.
hmmm...sad...
but next someone remind them that the flutist of sec 2 quit the band.
and hence i was asign the flute of hers. I guess it's the better flute (I mean the condition) of the Selmen.
I love it, and I work hard. very hard I think.
However, I just don't really like the old flute of the school.
Next I was given a old flute by my Church Conductor.
Even it's old, It's still better than the one of school.
I work even harder. indeed.
Practice everyday. I just wish that one day i can become like Cindy, playing the solo line and play the piccolo (because Piccolo is SOOO Cute!!)
With the passion, I playing gets better day by day.
I sit between Ashikin and Daniel and laugh about their lame jokes every day.
And there comes the Moment 2004.
the Senior stay back till very late for every practice.
and One day, while there is no practice for sec1, Mr. Goh was asking who want to buy the instument badge.
Therefore, the only sec.1 boy get to buy the badge while no other sec1 did (other than Fazz, she was in the main band by the time)
The cadets were told to sing to the concert.
that is "Triumphant Sprite"
I love to sing. and I love to perform.
However, I love the piece that the Seniors play.
I borrow the score home and tried out.
Think that one day I will be on the Stage of Moment 2006.
Dreaming that one day I can become like Karmen, conducting the band in a concert.
Hope that i can one day become like Yu Kueng, a commander.
I work for my best.
by the way, Cheryl share her dream with me, and then she became very good friend of mine.
We work together for our dreams.
After POP 2004,
lots of Senior were gone. and new leaders were out.
and I set my target on Stephanie, to become like her, better than her.
After lots of hard works, I was being look upon by Mr. Fong, and was being promoted into First Flute two days before National Day 2004.
Lots of hard works, and good luck, too.
I plays the first flute part for my very first band performance.
And I enjoy it.
From that time onward, I was sitting between Stephanie and Evon.
Maybe it's because of envy or cause of my attitude, Stephanie dislike me very much.
It's part of my fault,too. I was too proud.
I didn't think of her feeling and keep on challenging her.
yap, I make her cried.
Our relation was therfore, never be good after that.
Next,end of the year comes the SYF 2005.
The two piece that our band is going to play are "Singapore Rhapsody" and " Out of the Shadow".
I really hopes that I can bring honor to the band.
By chance and luck, Stephanie was told to take care of the Piccolo Part.
Moreover, there is a flute solo line in one of the piece.
Evon can't play it, as such I became the Soloist. (perhaps the very first sec1 soloist in the band history).
hmmm.... I guess Stephanie is very unhappy about it.
Due of the pressure of being a soloist, I work even harder than before. indeed.
I just hope to bring something for my band.
In one of the Sectional Practice with Mr.Fong. He told me that i need to play louder for the solo line.
I tried, but the sounds break when ever i go loud.
Mr fong said that I may because of the flute.
My flute is YFL-221II, a very begining model. He asked me that whether there is anymore flute other than mine.
Then I realize that there is a flute that was used by Cindy that is not in used now.
Next, I was told to use that flute, YFL-381.
It's mouth piece is mode of silver and indeed, it can play louder.
That day, Stephanie was not around.
and I didn't tell her about it. (but i did inform Cindy about that i had takeover her flute)
not sure why, maybe it's because that she was too cold to me and therefore i did not want to talk to me much.
Next, problem came.
She was VERY unhappy.
She ask me why, and I told her that because I was playing the solo line.
hmmmm.... I think that hurt her heart a bit, as it was hers line at first.
We didn't talk to each other for a while.
then comes ZZ, a boy that is younger than me.
He think he is a boss. btw, he is our Instrument Quarter Master.
He said I CAN"T use the flute because I have my own.
His reason was "You have your own, so you can't use the school one"
It means that a good flutist can't change his flute into a better flute because he already has one.
and he need to throw or distroy it before change his flute.
He ask Cheryl, YoungMin and Jian Yun who want to take that flute.
hmm... and they said they don't want.
However, ZZ said that whatever it's I can't used the flute because i have my own.
This event ended with that Cheryl said that she can take over my flute for m to take the new one.
This time, ZZ can't say anything.
on the SYF day, Stephanie, our P.P. keep on asking us to blow in warm air into our flutes
I didn't get her at all.We need less than one minute to warm the flute.
but there is few more hour before it's our turn to perform.
In the end, by the time for us to perform, she ran out of moisture to play her piccolo....
and I did quite fine.
Finally, We got a silver for it.
Not because me i guess, my solo was short and wasn't very good on the day.
It's by everyone.
Stephanie and I get slightly better from that time.
Maybe it's because that i knew that i was wrong, about my attitude
or Maybe she realized that she wasn't allways right.
She tried to like me.
It's hard for her i guess but I know that she love my band, our band, and we have jounior (Agness) by the time.
Therefore I just realize that i was wrong for most of the time and start to like her.
After all she care lots about me, too.
Very Fast, POP 2005.
I was honor to be appointed to become the Principal Player and Concert Master for the band.
hmmm.... amount the sec 2s I get the highest position...
It's a great pressure... really..
I'm worried, that people were started saying that i'm proud.
It's very hard to judge between "proud" and "my Right".
I was just doing my part, for the band.
the sec 3 started to dislike me,
why? i don't know ,too.
There once, during the warmup, that we just can get right for a part.
I know it's not my fault, surely, because i'm the one who was conducting.
How fast or how slow, it's for me to make annotation.
There is no where on the score that say "It's slow for this" or "This one should be slow"
I was very down to hear people complaining about me.
Thanks to Stephanie, She told me lots of things and encourage me.
also thanks to Silvia for listening to my worries and stuffs..
and Cheryl and Kerby, too.
Next comes the bag thing..
In 2004, there is a cabinet of the library that is not in used and members are allow to use it to put their bags.
I put there all the time untill after POP 2004, the cabinet was being used as library.
Therefore I move my place to another cabinet under the HiFi. My bag is there all the time.
by the time for National day 2004, the UQM use it for the coat shoes. and there after, I started putting my bag beside the HiFi.
I put my bag there for a long time until after POP 2005.
One day, UQM, sandy told me that I should not put my bag there as the place is for the top fours.
well... who told her that? I had never heard of that funny rule.
As such I didn't care of that much.
After that, one day, while we are prepare for warmup, YB shouted," Jack, you are not big enough to put your bag HERE! Plz take your bag AWAY!" (btw, I was not too sure about the statement, but something like that).
Where the hell did that rule come from? I don't know. but I think what YB is always right.
I respect YB very much since Sec 1, he is a smart boy and know lots of thing, moreover he is a very nice guy.
That's ture, really. Those who don't believe plz ask Kerby.
I didn't think a lot for that shouting, maybe it's just because that it was a unhappy day for him.
After that, I put my bag at the other side of the HiFi, far away from the "place for bag of top four only".
There was a question here.
I realize that Sandy's bag was always at the "place for bag of top four only".
why? I don't know.
Maybe there is a new rule that says "UQM is now a higher rank than CM".
Who knows? and I try to care less before becoming the target of everyone.
and then, one day, I forget what is the reason, only sure that it's DEFINITELY NOT my wrong.
But "One Band, one sound"
the whole band was being down. and YB scolded us for a long time.
Though that i was being punished too, i was happy that my fellow band mates had learn a lesson today.
as such, I was smiling.
When fall out, YB called me,together with Jasmine and Sandy.
He ask me, " why are you smiling?"
before i can give any answer,
he started saying (not sure of what really is, but something like that), :
"Do you know that we see you as the biggest trouble of the band?
You are in our BLACK LIST and same in the top4 before.
You had no respect to Seniors AT ALL!
...........etc etc etc etc
BLAHBLAHBLAHR
[AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL AT ALL !!1]"
I don't know what happened right after that, just that his voice keep on echoing in my mind.
I walked to the bus stop, on the way i cried, never ever before.
I had never cried in public for all my years in singapore.
His words hurt me sooo much that i nearly quit the band. really.
I gave lots lots of hardwork and time to the band.
and i respect the leader much more than others.
I just don't understand... really...
I felt very down for the month.
I come up an idea of leaving this place.
Thanks to Kerby, Cheryl, Silvia and Stephanie, I pass the time with their encouragement.
However I was never love the band as ever anymore.
I tried to care less about the band.
Do less, speak less. Follow the others.
any way, the event had distroy part of me.
By this time, I plan to leave here.
Not really because of the band but a tiny part i guess.
I think in all my band life in BBSS, I was never being respected by anyone.
For all, (not to mean anything) I'm just the shadow of Stephanie.
hmmm..... the last part of my band life was surely nice.
Not sure of why.
Maybe because human only cherish their thing when they lost it.
I was really touch by the band on the last day about the cake.
However I didn't cried, if i cried, others may cry, too, then I can't stand that pain.
so i don't cry
Well... BBSS Concert Band is a very important part of my life.
I'm sorry that i really didn't do much for her.
SORRY
All I can say is:
THANK YOU
It's to every one
specifically to:
Kerby, who is alway beside me.
Silvia, who is alway there for me
Cheryl, who share my thought
Stephanie, who teach me lots of things
Evon,Agness, Ashikin and Daniel for laughing with me
Dianne, YoungMin, De Young, and Kitmen for listening to my unhappyness
Ms N. H.H. , Mr Goh and Mr Fong for their guiding
Top fours 2005, Jian Yun , Jerrold, Berry, Esther, Sohee, Sunghee, Karmen, Yu Kueng and Cindy
Lastly, to all for being part of my life.
Jack
Philharmoniker
08:02 pm
26. Aug. 2006, Vancouver
P.S. Thanks for reading. Tell me your feeling too ok? I'll write about the POP 2006 next time.
so Keep passing by ok? Thanks! August 25 Dream, and pray for POPhmm.. I slept untill nearly 12pm before I get out of my bed today.
Had a dream, quite a strange one.
I'm not too sure about how it's started, what I can remember is that... well.. alright, it's like this:
Late a night, I was study in my desk in my room (the one in Singapore, Hume Ave.)
I was looking out my window and i realize that my curtain was being pull out of the window by whatever it is.
Next, I walk toward my window to find out what's up, and i realized that there was a girl grabing it and she is going to fall.
The girl is very samll in size, and it was SoHee.
I'm not too sure why she appeared in my dream?
maybe it's because that she is one of the smallest girl i known.
back to the story, I tried to pull the curtain to save her as my room is in eight floor (but i can see there is cloud below her... why?.. because it's a dream)
I tried but can't help.
Then I took my phone and called.
I want to call the policeOffice but i didn't call 999 (Police for Singapore) nor 911(Police for Canada).
I called "9-9-1".....funny...(=.=|||)
Next, someone pick up the call and said that all line are engaged and ask me to call another number.
I called again, but it's the same, still.
And by now i know that I had no time, cause she is going to fall any time.
As such, i ran out of the door to take a lift but it's was in use.
so i climb the stairs...
Just when I reached the first floor, she fell down.
I woke up..
but I think i did save her, did i? who knows?
Today is the Passing down for my band.
I really hope that the tops are someone who can really bring up my band to a higher peak aka to replace me.
If not I'll feel really bad.
Alright, I'll write more about it when i know the result..
hmmmm... but i think i can't sleep tonight before i know the result.
I'll pray for it.
HAHAz!
Philharmoniker
12.32 am , Vancouver
26 August 2006
August 22 My WorldName: PhilharmonicJack Favorite Opera: The Phantom of the Opera P.S. There is a Wallpaper that was edit by me (Take more than an hour to do) .If you like it, you can ask from me.It's for WideScreen. Regards (^^) |
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